Dabs.com: Sarcastic and Late.

I ordered a USB memory stick from dabs.com about a week ago, and it still has not arrived.  I’m a patient man, and it’s not like I need it to back up my dialysis machine, but on their website they’re mouthing off about a one-to-three day lead time and I’m just concerned that mine might have been lost in the post.

It’s now the 20th. The confirmation email reads:

We’re pleased to confirm that we despatched the following item(s) from your
order noted above on Thursday 13 October 2005.  Unless you chose a next day or
other premium delivery service option, you should receive them in 1-3 days.

I politely enquired, which I can still just about remember how to do, and this is what I got back:

Hi
Thanks for your email to dabs.com regarding the whereabouts of goods you have recently ordered.

In this instance, your order has been despatched via Royal Mail Letter Post which normally takes three working days to be delivered.

As such, may we thank you in advance for your patience until three working days from the despatch date have elapsed.  Please feel free to contact Dabs again if you have not received your delivery after the 3rd working day.

May we take this opportunity to apologise if this delivery timeframe has not met your expectations.

Regards

dabs.com customer services team
www.dabs.com

Cheeky slits! Anyone who knows me will know that I find sarcasm deeply abhorrent; besides which , I still don’t have my USB stick, and my dialysis machine needs backing up.

Dear Dabs,

Thank-you very much for your prompt, pompous and sarcastic replies.

First of all let me express my deepest apologies for having called into question the efficiency of your dispatch system. It was impertinent of me to suggest that, seven days after you took the money from my account and confirmed the dispatch, there might be something wrong.

Of course, as you mentioned, it normally takes 1-3 working days. A glaring oversight on my part.

It is of great comfort to know that people in possession of my bank details and various expensive items owed to me are unable to subtract 13 from 20 without arriving at a figure of 3 or less. I will sleep sound tonight in a cocoon of financial bliss.

Nevertheless, if it’s not too much for me to ask from you busy little people who populate the vast and well-trained ranks of the dabs.com customer service megaplex, do you think you could pop your feet back off the desk, switch off the computer-generated smart-arse replies and actually look into the order I have placed and supposedly completed with you, so that I might get some vague confirmation that my USB key wasn’t stolen from the post before it left Bolton? It’s just I’d really quite like to know.

And while you’re up, you might want to feed the chimp that answered my last enquiry because he seems to be getting nasty.

Thank-you in advance for your swift and satisfactory resolution to this monumentally testing request, and may I take this opportunity to apologise if the timeframe of this planet has not met your expectations.

A D Somethingson